Steven Wright Jokes

(the deadpan stand-up comedian)

Quotations, jokes, humor, one-liners, and meditations on life from comedian Steven Wright. Fakes identified. To our knowledge, the most comprehensive list on the web.

Please link to this page's updated (and permanent) web address:

The Eight-fold Path*
(Table of Contents):
  1. Wright Knowledge
  2. Wright Aspiration
  3. Wright Speech
  4. Wright Behavior
  5. Wright Livelihood
  6. Wright Effort
  7. Wright Mindfulness
  8. Wright Absorption
[Steven Wright]

Is it weird in here,
or is it just me?
-- Steven Wright

I Have a Pony Audio CD, by Steven Wright

Review: "Nobody else seems to be able to blurt out one brilliant and unusual and VERY FUNNY observation of everyday life the way Steven Wright can. If only this man made more than just the one album! Well, what he seems to lack in quantity, he more than makes up for in quality!"

Order this great audio CD from!
  [Steven Wright]

An Apparition: Steven Wright hears
   the sound of one hand clapping...
"When is Steven Wright NOT Steven Wright?"

Steven Wright is a stand-up comedian who tells his jokes as a slow, deadpan, monotone series of ironic, witty, and philosophical statements, often stand-alone one-liners.

His 1985 comedy album "I Have a Pony" was nominated for a Grammy Award, and he won an Academy Award for his short film, "The Appointments of Dennis Jennings."

Steven Wright was named #23 on Comedy Central's list of the 100 greatest standup comedians of all time. And in a poll in 2005 to find "The Comedian's Comedian," he was voted by fellow comedians and comedy insiders as among the top 50 comedy acts ever.

Commenting on the lists of jokes attributed to him on the Internet, Steven Wright said: "someone showed me a site, and half of it that said I wrote it, I didn't write. Recently, I saw one, and I didn't write any of it. What's disturbing is that with a few of these jokes, I wish I had thought of them. A giant amount of them, I'm embarrassed that people think I thought of them, because some are really bad." This site identifies the fakes and the real ones, and tells you who really wrote them.

I've been told this is the largest collection of Steven Wright jokes on the web.

*topically arranged, according to a system based on an inspiration he got at a stand-up performance one night when he heard the sound of one hand clapping

[Steven Wright counterfeits identified here!]
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Updated 2/5/10
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