Jokes by Steven Wright (the deadpan stand-up comedian) Part Six of an Eight-fold Trip

Meditate on the
Table of Contents.

Part Six:
Wright Effort

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
-- Steven Wright (SW)

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
-- NOT a Steven Wright joke (a look-alike from Steve Connelly)

Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.
-- SW

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.
-- NOT a Steven Wright joke (a look-alike from Steve Connelly)

I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."
-- SW

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.
-- SW

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.
-- SW

My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.
-- SW

I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.
-- SW

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
-- SW

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
-- SW

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... So I never have to go upstairs.
-- SW

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
-- SW

I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.
-- SW

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
-- SW

(Said with a very dull voice:) I'm so hyper....
-- SW

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
-- SW

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
-- SW

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.
-- NOT a Steven Wright joke (a look-alike from Steve Connelly)

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.
-- NOT a Steven Wright joke (a Rod Schmidt look-alike)

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
-- SW

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" And I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
-- SW

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
-- SW

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
-- SW

I can levitate birds. No one cares.
-- SW

(Referring to a glass of water:) I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
-- SW

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I Have a Pony Audio CD, by Steven Wright Review: "Nobody else seems to be able to blurt out one brilliant and unusual and VERY FUNNY observation of everyday life the way Steven Wright can. If only this man made more than just the one album! Well, what he seems to lack in quantity, he more than makes up for in quality!" Order this great audio CD from Amazon.com!

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Follow this path to return to the Table of Contents (An Eight-fold Trip):

	Wright Absorption	Wright Knowledge
Wright Mindfulness			Wright Aspiration
Wright Effort			Wright Speech
	Wright Livelihood	Wright Behavior

This page is part six of eight pages (the biggest list on the web) of jokes, quotations, weird humor, one-liners, observations and meditations on life by deadpan stand-up comedian Steven Wright (sometimes misspelled "Stephen Wright")

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